the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
she told me i tasted like america
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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