I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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