At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
So much rum. So many feels.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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