aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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