Your tits are I can't wait for
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
