I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
My vagina is officially offended.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
