Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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