I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
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