I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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