He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize