Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
