That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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