and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
