yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Randomize
