Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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