my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
