its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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