apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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