Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
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