There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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