Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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