He is such a slut. More and more my type.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
