I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
My brain says no but my pants say off.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
