I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
