so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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