brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
