my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
