look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
