i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
