ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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