she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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