Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
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