Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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