...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
My cat gives me a boner
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
I did not marry a roomba.
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