he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
