I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Randomize
