Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
