I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
