Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
