i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
