I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
