I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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