I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
