Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize