I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
