Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
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