haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize