fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
