i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
