i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
