....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
