wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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