I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize