He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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