I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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