Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize