Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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