If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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