Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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