OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
