Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
You're like the curious george of whores
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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