you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
