Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Randomize
