You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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