haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
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