Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize