Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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