I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
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