i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
